'I don’t regret joining a cheating website. The sex was exhilarating’

I’d done what many people of my age – late 40s – did, and settled for someone. My husband didn’t have the same sex drive as me, and I longed to find a partner who did. He rarely complimented me and I constantly sought attention elsewhere, even if it was just an admiring look.
I wanted to have an affair and I looked for ways to make it happen. Up until that point, I’d made do with chance encounters at work events or nights out with the girls, but they weren’t happening often enough for me.
I set up an Illicit Encounters profile while my husband was out one day. I used an image from my picture library – a colourful seashell – instead of a photo of me. When matches started to come through, it was incredibly exciting.
'My husband didn't have the same sex drive as me, and I longed to find a partner who did'  Photo: Getty
My first Illicit Encounter was Hugh*. He seemed clever and funny, so I arranged to meet him in a bar one summer evening, telling my husband that I was out with work colleagues. Hugh was closer to 50 than the 40 he had said he was, but it didn’t matter – he was handsome and as smart as he’d been online.
We chatted over wine in a bar near London’s King’s Cross. He was articulate, well-educated and beautifully dressed, but he had a dangerous look in his eye. I was elated at the thought of my first encounter. He reassured me that we wouldn’t do anything I wasn’t comfortable with.


Then he took me to his office and we had passionate sex. When I went home that night, I slipped into bed next to my husband and didn’t feel guilt, only exhilaration.
I did it again and again – with Hugh and others, all intelligent, successful men who had no intention of leaving their marriages. The pre-sex drinks and dinners were almost as good as the sex itself.
For a while, I thought I could carry on being married to a nice but unexciting guy, and have my fun on the side. But eventually, after two years of using the site, my moral compass kicked in and I knew it wasn’t right, so I decided to leave my husband.

I’m glad to say that he found another partner relatively quickly, who he’s still with, and I’m very happy for him. Unlike him, I’m not looking for a life partner. I’m happily dating men who are younger than me and enjoying my freedom.
It’s important for me to seize the moments that I feel I’ve lost during those years of marriage. And I’ll never regret doing what I did, because it showed me what was out there before I made the leap.

Here's what you thought

Whilst our writer didn't regret her decision to join a dating website for marital affairs, some of our Telegraph readers had different views. These are some of your comments:
User Melange agreed with our writer, praising her:
Her story sounds brilliant. If only we could all be more honest about what we really want, and accept each other for what we are - all different, with very different sex drives and emotional needs. Some of us want, and need, a lifelong monogamous relationship. Some of us need to move on after a period of time to someone else - serial monogamy. Some of us need multiple relationships at the same time, perhaps with varying levels of commitment to each - polyamory.
Why do some people feel the need to stand in judgement over others?
And one user who goes by the username TellyGraf was outraged:
If you feel randy, then screw away, but don't be dishonest and hide it from your husband, to whom you have made a commitment. Admit you made a mistake by "settling for" him and move on. Some moral compass. Whenever someone is dishonest it makes you wonder just how far that dishonesty extends.
This user going by the name Mark, felt sympathetic towards the issue:
The issue for me is the overemphasis on marriage and "relationships" which raises the status of sex too high. It's like living in a pressure cooker for no reason at all..